I mean, they’re like young people but they’re pruney, they smell and they can get away with murder while having people think it’s sweet because of their age… Why!?

Now that I have fewer lessons during the school hours (one or two a day, as opposed to going to school from nine till three and having four lessons a day, like I used to), I catch the bus during school/working hours… which is when the old people come out of their retirement coffins and prey on their pension; catching the bus into town to collect it and spend it on some sort of knitted, nineteen twenties, charity shop-worthy junk when it could be put to use on something better.

Today, on the bus, there was an elderly “lovey” wearing a flattering combination of jeans, a knitted cardigan and huge, “you-should-have-gone-to-specsavers” glasses. And to top it off, she was carrying a bright beige trolley, with checkered patterns all over it. I have a feeling she’d lost the plot some while ago. Then there was another one on the bus that just couldn’t stop smiling, as if her muscles had receded and frozen into a permanent grin, no matter what emotion she was feeling. The wind must have changed on that poor soul. No wonder all these old people say that phrase. Now I can see why. Oh, and not mention the old men too much, but those scalps weren’t exactly the least vomit inducing scalps I’ve ever seen. Kind of reminded me of a wispy poo.

Now I’m not talking about “old” as in 50 years old. I’m talking ancient. Prehistoric. Old old. Saggy faces flapping in the wind, and all that. The nocturnal vampires that only come out in the day.

What’s with them? What’s their beef? Do they have beef? They look kinda skinny… do they even eat? And what do they eat? Cottage pie? Shepherds pudding? I have no idea. What is their purpose? Can someone please explain these crazy old buggers to me?

Posted at 7:57 am by BlakTornado | Tweet this | Share on Facebook

Hello! Are you looking to comment?
(Already an existing user? Log in here!)

Commenting is a really great way to get involved with what's going on here at the blog.
All you need to do is create an account with us. It's really easy and takes seconds to fill in. All we require is a username, your email address (to verify the account) and for you to submit a comment.
Now you needn't worry about giving us your information. It's all kept on our private Wordpress database and won't be distributed to third parties by us. After all, we'd hate it if it happened to our information.

So sign up and comment away! It's easy, fun, and we'd love to hear what you have to say!

Name (required)

Mail (not published) (required)

Website

Notify me of follow-up comments by email.

Notify me of new posts by email.