Train Station

Stop, Look and Beware. Three words you should constantly repeat to yourself when in close proximity to trains.
While the lumbering, metal beasts may seem like friendly, docile creatures that only serve the purpose of getting you from A to B, you will find that you are gravely mistaken.
In 2006, Train attacks were a rare occurance, with only 10 reported cases (7 of which were caused by error of the victim). However, that figure rose to and alarming 100,000 reported incidents during 2007, 2008 and early 2009.
The reason for this sudden change may seem odd to some at first, but upon further explanation, may appear more realistic; Word of mouth.
Think about a new trend in human culture, for example. These trends are often cultivated by the media and the public’s reception of ideas, telling people about new and exciting clothes, gadgets and general was of thinking. Now apply the same thing to trains.
In late 2006, a small group of trains in Norfolk decided to start mugging passengers in order to afford petrol after the tax increase.
While other trains found it hard to cope, most managed to get along by raising ticket prices. The problem was that this created an adverse effect and caused cutsomers to turn to alternative and cheaper methods of transport, causing the trains to lose money.
As the trains involved in the muggings continued to earn a boosted and healthy income with their earnings, word of mouth spread in the depots and soon, more trains joined the life of crime.
Experts believe that the train crime rates could rise by at least 987.6%, and may be on par with human based crime by 2011.
One man, aged 32 spoke to us anonymously about an experience he had with a train:
“They came out of nowhere” he exclaimed. “A large group of 7 or so trains surrounded me, thrusting weapons at me and telling me they would hunt me and my family down if I failed to meet their wishes”. At this point we stopped the interview.

So what can we do to prevent Train Attacks? Well, the simple answer is for you and your loved ones to avoid trains. Avoid them at all costs. Because soon it could be worth your life.*

*Trams are not subject to this change in policy, but proceed at your own risk regardless. If a tram looks dodgy, don’t get on!

Remember Foot and Mouth disease? You know, the thing that all the cows got a few years ago… Well, I now propose “Foot in Mouth Disease”, a disease which is caused by someone lacking the social tact to moderate the opinions and thoughts they wish to convey to people.
Do you know someone who frequently says things, only to shortly realize that they shouldn’t have done? Do they often cover their mouth with horror upon realizing what they’ve said? Do people look at the strangely, in “you’re messed up!” kind of way?
Well, my friends, this person may have Foot in Mouth Disease (FiMD). If you suspect that a friend or loved one may be infected, please encourage them to visit a doctor, ring 1800-IMAFUL, or just get out more.

This Public Service Information Broadcast was brought to you by the Department Of Disease Control of the Government of the World.

Do you ever have days where you wake up and feel like a troll? I mean, before you even begin to look in a mirror… You just have the knowing sensation that you look terrible and there’s nothing you can do about it.
That’s what I have now. Oh joy.
I woke up about five minutes ago and already I know that I don’t look my best today; nor do I feel it, in all honesty. Why are we punished this way? Life is so unfair.
I propose that we make a law that says it’s illegal to think badly of other people due to their appearences, but I have a feeling that that would be quite flawed… Hmmm… Maybe a mind-control device is in order?

Recently, I discovered a thing called Bookmarklets. Bookmarklets are useful snippets of Javascript (a web-orientated programming language) that provide additional functionality to your web browser, without needing to install add-ons or plug-ins (like FireFox). Most of the time, they work on all modern web browsers, which makes finding and using them very easy!

Below are a selection of Bookmarklets that I’ve found on the web and thought were fun, interesting or useful. Just drag and drop them onto your browser’s bookmark bar (which you should able to show in the View or Window menu, depending on your browser). From there, you just select them when viewing a page and they should work their magic!

Split in Two

Split In Two – Conveniently splits a webpage into two parts. I’ve found that this works best on Wikipedia, for showing two separate entries in one window (especially useful when researching a topic). The only problem with this is that the browser doesn’t treat the page as two windows, so all the functions of the browser only apply to the address in the address bar (ie. bookmarking a page). But it’s quite useful for low-power tasks (such as viewing a long list of instructions on one page).

Edit Website

Edit Website – This fun little Bookmarklet allows you to edit the text of a website. Great for creating crazy news headlines (as demonstrated above) and sending screenshots to friends. They’ll never know! One thing to note, however, is that the change is only temporary and disappears with a refresh, and doesn’t actually change anything on the website itself. But always good or whiling away the time when you’re bored.

Download Youtube

Download Youtube Videos as MP4s – Probably one of the most useful, this bookmarklet allows you to download videos from Youtube in MP4 format, which you can use with iPods and iPhones (I downloaded a music video and it looks great on my iPhone!). This saves the hassle of visiting a website, inserting the Youtube URL and so on, just to get a video that doesn’t even download properly, and includes a virus in order for the site owner to make money at your expense. So I must say, I quite like this one!

Share to Facebook

Share to Facebook – This bookmarklet gives you the function to share the page that you’re on with Facebook, sending a link to the page that you’re on to your wall and newsfeed. This is useful for sharing a site that a lot of your friends may be interested in (for example, a flash game, or a blog post).

Search With...

Search With Google – A handy way to search something in Google. Just highlight the word and use the bookmarklet.
Search With Wikipedia – A handy way to search something in Wikipedia. Just highlight the word and use the bookmarklet.
Search With Urban Dictionary – A handy way to search something in Urban Dictionary. Just highlight the word and use the bookmarklet.

That sums up my own personal list of bookmarklets, but there are literally hundreds of Bookmarklets, and you can find them with as little as a Google Search. One little trick I like to perform with Bookmarklets is saving the link location to my USB Drive and taking them to college with me, showing off various different functions (like the Edit Website bookmarklet) to people. It’s all good fun, and very useful too. So get out there (on the web, that is) and start bookmarkletting! Feel free to leave any interesting bookmarklets you find in the comments.

Top 10 Useful Bookmarklets [Lifehacker]
Top 10 Geek Bookmarklets [Lifehacker]
Jesse’s Bookmarklet Site [Squarefree]

You know it’s spring when you see Ducklings pottering around… Awwwh! Doesn’t it just bring you to your emotional knees? The chirping baby birds, the smell of the pollen in the air, and the everlasting nose-dribble known as hay-fever.

Duckling

Ok, so it’s not all good, but Spring is a pretty good time of the year, is it not? You have April, the month where some interesting stuff happens. Then May, where we, um, may have some stuff (get it? GET IT!?). And then June, where we all take a minute to remember… oh, I don’t know! But it’s Spring, right? Spring! Picnics and happiness and joy to the world! And some of the best movies come out in Spring, don’t they? Everyone’s finally gotten into gear after the beginning of the year is over, and now that we’re used to it being 2009, it’s time to stop slacking.

So what? We may have snot constantly dribbling from our noses, and a persistent sneeze that just won’t go away, but just seeing the little chicks chirping away is enough to warm even the darkest of heart… such as mine, which is dark and twisted, and still finds the time to write a blog post about ducklings, for crying out loud!

Don’t try and belittle yourself into thinking it’s not a good time of the year. Oh boy, is it! Let’s hope it brings a ray of possibilities, sunshine and joy to all. So, I urge you to step away from your computer right now and head out into the big wide world and experience this Spring, as it may be the last spring you ever experience!… Yes. That’s right. The last Spring you ever experience.

Remember the otter I was telling you about a couple of posts back? Yeah… He told me. He told me… So yeah! Enjoy the Spring while it lasts… Just a bit of friendly advice, there.