Stop, Look and Beware: Trains

April 27, 2009

Train Station

Stop, Look and Beware. Three words you should constantly repeat to yourself when in close proximity to trains.
While the lumbering, metal beasts may seem like friendly, docile creatures that only serve the purpose of getting you from A to B, you will find that you are gravely mistaken.
In 2006, Train attacks were a rare occurance, with only 10 reported cases (7 of which were caused by error of the victim). However, that figure rose to and alarming 100,000 reported incidents during 2007, 2008 and early 2009.
The reason for this sudden change may seem odd to some at first, but upon further explanation, may appear more realistic; Word of mouth.
Think about a new trend in human culture, for example. These trends are often cultivated by the media and the public’s reception of ideas, telling people about new and exciting clothes, gadgets and general was of thinking. Now apply the same thing to trains.
In late 2006, a small group of trains in Norfolk decided to start mugging passengers in order to afford petrol after the tax increase.
While other trains found it hard to cope, most managed to get along by raising ticket prices. The problem was that this created an adverse effect and caused cutsomers to turn to alternative and cheaper methods of transport, causing the trains to lose money.
As the trains involved in the muggings continued to earn a boosted and healthy income with their earnings, word of mouth spread in the depots and soon, more trains joined the life of crime.
Experts believe that the train crime rates could rise by at least 987.6%, and may be on par with human based crime by 2011.
One man, aged 32 spoke to us anonymously about an experience he had with a train:
“They came out of nowhere” he exclaimed. “A large group of 7 or so trains surrounded me, thrusting weapons at me and telling me they would hunt me and my family down if I failed to meet their wishes”. At this point we stopped the interview.

So what can we do to prevent Train Attacks? Well, the simple answer is for you and your loved ones to avoid trains. Avoid them at all costs. Because soon it could be worth your life.*

*Trams are not subject to this change in policy, but proceed at your own risk regardless. If a tram looks dodgy, don’t get on!

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