It's That Time Of The Year Again…

September 8, 2009

It’s that time of the year again. The streets quieten during the day, parents across the country can finally put their feet up and for those of us unlucky enough, it’s time to return to school. Thankfully for me, I’m at college now… But it’s not much of a consolation. What’s the difference? Well, I don’t have to wear a uniform and, um, I can wander around the town in my breaks (Town sucks). What’s the same? I have to do work, I go there to learn and I have to get up early. The cons vastly outweigh the pros, evidently.

Following my recent endeavour to look at the positive side of life (my psychiatrist tells me it boosts morale), at least I get to see my friends, colleagues and girlfriend (the last one being the biggest benefit). But when looking at the alarm clock, it’s just not doing much for me. When I see “7:00 AM” peering out of it’s monochromatic screen, I automatically translate it as the alarm clock growing legs and kicking me square in the testicles, then rubbing in the fact that I no longer have the gift of fertility by literally thrusting it’s own, large, perfectly fertile, hairy, pulsating testicles in my face. That’s how it feels.

Don’t tell me I’m exaggerating. I don’t exaggerate. If anything, you’re exaggerating how much I’m exaggerating, and in turn I’m exaggerating how much you’re exaggerating, which will lead you to do the same in return. It’s a vicious cycle and it all started because of you and your judgemental ways. If only you weren’t so judgemental. You’re more judgemental than Judge Judy. Actually, Judge Judy is quite a fair and balanced judge but if you hadn’t started this, I wouldn’t have made such a mistake and we wouldn’t be where we are now. It’s all your fault. Everything is your fault. You’re the reason Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other any more.

So, uh, yeah… I start college again in the morning.

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