I’m Going To Miss My Life

August 1, 2010

No, this isn’t some public suicide note or cry for attention. It’s a reminder; a reminder of the good times before life completely changes. As of writing, life is pretty good. I’ve just finished work on a large film project of mine that’s received positive feedback, I’ve done pretty well in college and I’m enjoying my part-fulltime job. But alas, there’s something big and scary coming up soon, and that thing is University.

In itself, University isn’t that scary. While I’m not going to count my eggs before they’re hatched, I image that University will be pretty enjoyable and despite being hard work, it shouldn’t be too hard to complete it at a level I’m happy with, as I know I will put the effort in just like I did with college beforehand. That’s not the scary part. The scary part is that I’m digging up my tent-pegs and moving to the other end of the country, which is scary. Not only will I be leaving behind my friends, family and job, but I’ll be on my own in a place I’ve only ever visited twice. There are so many things that aren’t clear yet -and won’t be clear until I start my course in September- that are eating into my nerves a little.

But maybe this anxiety is just fuss about nothing. Things should be fine. After all, I’ve got money sorted on an accommodation level, I’ve got my place on the course and thousands of people my age find themselves in this exact same position and get through it perfectly well. On the other hand, it’s quite scary knowing that you’re completely on your own in the world, especially with student debts and loans and warnings being stapled to my conscience like they’re going out of fashion. And things are going to be very different, especially since I’ll be living in the halls of residence with people that are complete strangers; it’s bad enough living with my family who I’ve lived with all my life, at times. Whereas a conflict regarding who wants to watch what on TV at home results in a bit of a heated scuffle, I can imagine the same scenario in Halls ending in a stabbing or the stealing of my rare treat of a can of Pepsi Max — one that I’d been saving my buttons up for weeks for, I imagine quietly to myself. That sort of thing is scary (although obviously I’m exaggerating a little bit out of uncertain anxiousness).

However, I’m posting this to remind myself that things are going to alright, since life is good and things can always get better, no matter who you are and what you’ve done. And hopefully, maybe, I’ll read this back in September and laugh as things are going swimmingly. So there we have it.

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