Graveyard, oh, Graveyard,
How I envy thee,
You’ve got all those dead people inside you,
Why can’t I have dead people inside me?

Written by Gemma Day

If Violets were red,
And Roses were blue,
In a world that perverse,
You’d be beautiful, too.

No, the iPad is not a device women will place between their legs once a month. It is, rather, the future of computing. While it just looks like a giant iPod Touch, it’s fair to say that it will be much more.

“What are you on about?”, you could be asking. Well, let’s put it this way; a doctor who spends most of his (or her) evenings sorting out their computer instead of writing their reports is a doctor who is going to be tired in the morning, and will possibly risk someone’s life. A builder who is too busy installing antivirus software on his computer instead of going over the blueprints for the house he’s building is a builder who is probably not going to have a very good idea of what he’s doing. A mother who is struggling to install a piece of software to get the photos off her digital camera is a mother who is going to be wasting time on the computer instead of spending time with her child. You get the idea. Wouldn’t it just be nice if these people had a computer that just got out of their way and did what they want without having to think about it? Say hello to iPad.

Sure, the name isn’t great and from looking at the home or lock screens, you’d just dismiss it as a poorly thought-out upscale of the iPhone (I know I initially did)… But all it takes is a glance at the Mail, Calendar or Contacts apps to realize that this thing is completely different – in a good way. The iPad is a weird mongoloid mash-up of the desktop and mobile computer. It’s like an iMac sexually abused an iPod Touch and this popped out nine months later. But can something so horrible be beautiful? Absolutely.

I’m not saying that every person who doesn’t need the current power of a ‘real’ computer (ie. someone who does lots of data processing) should go out and buy one. Absolutely not. Would I have suggested that everyone should have gone out and bought an iPhone back in 2007? Again, absolutely not. Would I suggest everyone buy an iPhone now, though? Of course I would. Over the past three years it’s developed and become more powerful; the bits that were missing are now there (MMS and Copy & Paste, for example). I fully expect the iPad to do the same. So while people will dismiss it now and call it useless and pointless compared to a ‘real’ computer, in three or four years time -or when people start upgrading their tech- I suspect that most people will opt for an iPad over a Windows machine, or a Mac. I know full well that when my Mum finally admits her computer is too old to be any use, I’ll be suggesting an iPad right away.

This just in from a very reliable source who works for Apple: There is no Apple Tablet. (SHOCK HORROR)