Posts Tagged ‘Idiocy’

Looks Like My Dreams Came True… (E-Funerals)

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

In June I wrote a piece on the deaths of internet celebrities, which then went into my idea for a social/online funeral where people would be able to watch the ceremony around the globe. Turns out that it’s now become a reality. While I was only joking about the idea, it would seem that someone out there took me seriously and decided that my plea for such a service was clearly a good idea. So now we can stream our funerals to the world! Yay! Woo! Cowabunga! I’m assuming my cheque is in the post?

WTF Happened To Simon Cowell’s Face? Is He Melting?

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

Simon Cowell Melting

Ok, this picture was posted on Gizmodo and it really left a psychological impact on me. If you look at the top part -the forehead area- you’ll notice that it looks just like normal Simon Cowell… but then you look a bit lower and have to question what strange creature this is. I don’t have a massive hatred for the guy (I sure don’t like him, but I don’t particularly dislike him) but this picture is just disturbing. It makes me want to obtain a shotgun, just incase it becomes real and decides to attack me. I’m having nightmares tonight.

One can only guess that one of the new lighting technicians didn’t read the notes and turned one of the spotlights up too high, causing the poor bloke to melt. As you can see, his arms are clearly flailing in a way that indicates panic and fear, whilst his eyes scold in a way that says “You stupid fool! Why didn’t you read the notes!?”.

Rage Against The Machine Receive Christmas Number One In The UK

Sunday, December 20th, 2009

The people who are hailing the Rage Against The Machine thing as if it’s the second coming of Jesus are people who probably would have bought the X Factor single anyway. They only bought the single because they were told to, rather than because they like the band (hence why I didn’t buy it).

As much as I love the fact that real musicians had a Christmas number one again, it’s easy to forget that most people only bought it because they were following their friends on Facebook and following an idea which seemed “funny”, just like they’d follow the TV and buy a song which they were manipulated into buying through a reality talent show. If Rage Against The Machine had released a Christmas single and had won because people liked the track more than the X Factor track, it would be a different story. The sad fact of the matter is that bands like Rage Against The Machine don’t release Christmas songs, or even release songs near Christmas at all. All this activity exercised is the influence of Social Networking and proved that people downloading singles does actually make a difference in the charts… which, uh, would make sense.

Despite popular belief, the record industry doesn’t make up the charts; they need them more than the public does. For the industry, it shows them what songs are popular amongst the public and what sort of music to keep pumping out. Without it, the labels would have to guess at what people “like” in order to release stuff, which, as we probably all know, isn’t as effective as knowing. For example, I could guess that my girlfriend has cheated on me. It means nothing unless I know. On top of this fact, there is no necessary reason for the different labels to exchange information on which of their artists are doing well. The charts act as a way for not only the public to know what’s popular, but the record labels to know what’s popular on other labels.

The problem is that people don’t understand how the singles chart works. The singles chart only applies to singles, hence it’s called the singles charts. The reason bands like Rage Against The Machine don’t make it into the charts is because the people who listen to them are dedicated fans and buy their albums, which are, y’know, albums… not singles. Since they’re quite established, most of their fans buy their older albums from places like CEX or Ebay which sell the album second hand, with no contribution to the charts. When they release a new album, chances are they buy it from Amazon or a party that doesn’t necessarily contribute to the chart’s statistics.

Now, as far as the album chart goes, yes, they could get a number one album… but only when they release a new album. Muse, for example, had a number one platinum album this year with the release of “The Resistance”, despite their single making it to number nine in the UK singles chart. The reason for this is because Muse is an established band that people recognise have better albums than singles (in theory), so their Wembley Stadium-filling fans just buy the album, rather than single. Same with Green Day and all of the other established bands that released albums this, and every other year.
The reason X Factor makes it’s way to Christmas number one is because it’s the mindless sheep who buy singles that put it there. Well, “mindless sheep” is a bit harsh. The fact is that people without that much interest in music buy singles, and those are the people that watch X Factor. That’s the reason X Factor makes it so high in the charts at Christmas. It’s not necessarily popular overall, but it’s popular amongst the people who buy singles.

Short story long, what I’m trying to say is that the people who buy singles are a completely different type of listener to those who buy albums. The people who buy albums are the people who like real music with real talent. The people who buy singles are the people who are just contempt with listening to whatever music they hear played on the radio or telly. The only true way you can change this is to get rid of all the people who don’t really care about music, but unfortunately genocide is illegal.

People – An Observation [Essay]

Friday, October 30th, 2009

I hate people. People are stupid. People are nasty. People are greedy. People are vile. People cause war, are selfish and watch X Factor. People take life for granted and don’t appreciate the world around them. People are awful creatures and should be exterminated mercilessly.

The world is full of dullards. Every day more and more people are living up to stereotypes by becoming one conglomerative clump of similarity and predictability. Very few people have a unique and interesting taste in life these days, and those that do have to cower away in fear of being cast a freak, as anything different is poisonous and will spread like a disease. In a society where we are all “equal”, it strikes me as odd that difference is tolerated so frivolously. Look at the recent article for the Daily Mail by Jan Moir; if we tolerated people who were different, not only would this article have not been published, but it would never have been written in the first place.

I guess one problem is that people place too much value in what other people think of them. Your £400 designer jacket or sports car will only give you a false sense of grandiosity; there is no actual importance behind any of these objects. Yet still, people go out of their way to make their credit card stretch to buy these things. What are you expecting to happen when you buy these things? Everyone in the street to look at you in envy, faint or have their jaws hit the street as you walk by, just like the adverts? No. The most that will happen is that a couple of people will notice and silently mutter “Oh wow” before continuing with their day, while everyone else ignores you and labels you as pretentious as they pursue their own ego-driven journey into the latest and greatest fashions. The fact of the matter is that no-one gives a crap about anyone else but themselves and the people who appear in the media… Or at least that’s the impression I receive.

Now, when writing this, my girlfriend picked at me because she thought I was being hypocritical. She argued “You have a fancy iMac and an iPhone and have put them in your signature on some forum I saw you on. You’re being a bit hypocritical” – just like that. And do you know what? I turned around and punched her in the face for arguing with me; her superior. Ok, I may have made that last bit up, but I was challenged non-the-less. My argument is that I don’t have these possessions for the sake of having bragging rights. They’re tools to make my life easier and allow for me to follow my creative ambitions. I much prefer them over the alternatives available because I find them to be more functional for what I want to do, rather than because I think they look good or have some sort of street value that will reflect on me somehow. In short, I didn’t buy them because of the logo but because of what they do. While I may have “shown off” my possessions, I didn’t do it for a reaction but to help people know a bit more about me; You wouldn’t sign up to a forum discussing health issues without letting people know what problems or expertise you have. By stating the fact I had an iMac and an iPhone, it helps me connect to people who may share similar interests and opinions, and talk about something I’m passionate about. It’s no news that I’m a geek and love talking about gadgets. The difference between me and someone who pays £300 for a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes is that the person buying the shoes could easily buy a pair of shoes for £50 or less that do exactly the same thing and won’t make you cry when you step in something foul. There are no functional differences in the Jimmy Choos than there are in a pair of Nikes (Could I edit HD video on a £200 Netbook?). These expensive fashion items are purely for the sake of showing off, saying “I have money”, when in reality they were probably bought on credit because the owner has no real money of their own.

But I have become sidetracked. When I stated that the problem is people placing too much value in what other people think of them, I meant that by doing so we match our own expectations to what we believe everyone else’s to be, as opposed to becoming superficial about our  lifestyles (although it is a matter of grave concern). Even when it comes to things of actual importance, this idea shows clearly. Look at the number of people who have to keep their beliefs to themselves in fear of others thinking badly of them. Personally, I am a vegetarian; I have been all my life and I have no intention to stop in the future. But for me, I am almost afraid to tell people of this fact because I know how people will take it. Even if people try and say something nice about it, they’re usually saying something because they think it’s weird and feel, well, sorry for me, as if I’m a bit wonky in the head. It’s almost like by saying something nice to me they are placed on a moral pedestal similar to that of giving money to charity or helping a disabled person climb stairs. And all this is about my dietary habits! Imagine what they would say if I turned around and told them I was a vegan, homosexual buddhist who spends his spare time participating in period reenactments in order to raise money to combat the effects of global warming on seals in the arctic. I would probably be invited to fewer gatherings than I already am. (For the record, I am none of those things. But if someone as perfect as myself can subliminally label a persona as bizarre or odd enough for me to use it as an example of someone who would be considered odd and bizarre, let alone write a disclaimer to disassociate myself with being that person, then surely someone who is more intellectually challenged and open to narrow minded impressions than myself would think such a thing too, actively or not.)

Another observation I have made is that because we can’t be honest about ourselves to other people in fear of what they’ll think, it often causes us to have a natural reluctancy to do things that could be looked upon as bizarre, or leave us open for potential ridicule. In the end, we’re left with a society where most people don’t aspire to be anything more than being “like everyone else”. Whether that’s being like peers or celebrities, we’re constantly just trying to be like the people around us. Depending on where people look to, some want fame and money, most often without putting any hard work in. Others just want children, shelter and not much else, sacrificing any life goals for insignificance like everyone else. In a world where people feel like they’ve acheived something by meeting “celebrities” (as the lack of a better word for “People who were on Big Brother once”), is it any wonder? We’re unimportant people who worship and idolize equally unimportant people who are only regarded as important because they’ve either done something every other human being can do with a bit of practise, or have sold themselves and ruined their dignity by brown-nosing their way to the top (You’re honestly telling me that Lady Gaga hasn’t shown her “Gaga” to people in order to get a bit further in the music industry? I bet a large number of these so-called “pop stars” have at one point in their careers. If these people weren’t using themselves to extend their fifteen minutes then surely their promotional imagery would be a bit more… tasteful?).

On the other hand, maybe I’m just being bleak and pessimistic. Maybe my lack of faith is the very thing stopping me from seeing the light and realising what I’ve been missing. However, the fact of the matter is that I can see the things I’m missing and I don’t want them. I see things like iPods and Dominoes Pizza and want them, just like everyone else, but I see things like “Big Brother” and Celebrity Jungle Testicle Eating “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” and put a mental restraining order on myself to stop myself from going anywhere near them. I don’t want to associate with the likes of these; I want to rip the mere memories of their existence from my brain with a very sharp and merciless weapon. Some people call me a kill joy, but I just call myself sensible. It’s the same with Football and every other mindless drivel that becomes something that’s taken more seriously than life itself. When there are people who cry themselves to sleep over the results of these things, have pointlessly heated arguments with each other over their contemplations and observations of these forms of “entertainment”, or can use the indulgence of it as a valid excuse amongst people such as bosses and teachers to reasonably excuse themselves or justify their absence from work, it’s time for the world to slap itself in the face and assess what actually matters. I’ll be perfectly happy living my life without all this fuss and hubbub. Maybe, one day, other people will be able to as well… Or not. Maybe I might wake up tomorrow and find that it has all become clear. Who knows?

Real Life, The Internet, And Everywhere In Between Is Full Of…

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

Real Life, The Internet and Everywhere In Between (TM) is full of horrible, horrible people. There is no escaping. In real life we have chavs, idiots, and drunks. Online we have trolls, teenagers and fanboys. There is now no society where we can be free from pretentious morons. Not a single shred. Everything is ruined by someone with too much time on their hands.

In real life, we’re constantly surrounded by jerks. All kinds of jerks. Jerks who are too lazy and stupid to get jobs, jerks who are too inconsiderate to care about other people, jerks who are too self absorbed to be conscientious towards other people. Online we are constantly surrounded by jerks, too. We have jerks that are hateful towards anyone and everyone, jerks who like to destroy, and jerks who are one of the jerks listed above but in digital form. Jerks jerks jerks jerks jerks. Where is the humanity? Where is the freedom?

Well, I can explain where it’s gone. Here’s my theory: Popularity gave people in the real world a false sense of importance and grandiosity… So the people who weren’t popular turned to the internet, where they became popular amongst their friends online. This gave the unpopular people a false sense of importance and grandiosity. Then, when the real life popular people joined the internet, they mixed with other popular people who then became even more pretentious and self-loving. Now we’re faced with a garble of people who are infatuated with their egos. Great. Because of this, those of us still sane are trapped in a jar made of jerkness, which is impossible to escape from until everyone who lacks the best intentions is shot. What a miserable existence for us all.