In June I wrote a piece on the deaths of internet celebrities, which then went into my idea for a social/online funeral where people would be able to watch the ceremony around the globe. Turns out that it’s now become a reality. While I was only joking about the idea, it would seem that someone out there took me seriously and decided that my plea for such a service was clearly a good idea. So now we can stream our funerals to the world! Yay! Woo! Cowabunga! I’m assuming my cheque is in the post?

My girlfriend is wonky and I mean that in the nicest way. I don’t mean that one of her arms is bigger than the other, or that her left eye is slightly disproportionate to the right one. I’m referring to the fact that every time I let her borrow my computer she leaves it in the most bizarre of states.
Being quite anal about my computer being straight and nice-looking (like all those pictures I see on Lifehacker), I’ve found myself in a situation where I have OCD-like symptoms about keeping the computer and keyboard straight, with my iPhone kept neatly on charge next to it, and Apple Remote neatly placed on the iMac’s stand (horizontal and perfectly aligned to the edge, of course). That’s not mentioning the software, where I have to keep my Safari window a certain distance from the menu bar and dock at all time, for example.
For some reason, though, my girlfriend has other ideas. I let her borrow my computer for the day and come back finding the keyboard at the weirdest of angles, iPhone cable hanging freely off the edge of the desk, and all my beautifully arranged application windows scattered carelessly over six “Spaces” (virtual desktops) with no regard for their position on the screen; I found my Mail.app window minimized on Space 4 once, positioned halfway off the edge of the screen – it opens by default on Space 2 and can’t be moved unless done so deliberately.
What have I done to deserve this? What did I do in my past life? Did I murder children? Was I the guy who murdered Arch Duke Franz Ferdinand, starting World War One? Was I the person at ITV who commissioned the new series of X Factor *shudder*?
I know I’m not the best boyfriend. I know that checking my iPhone behind your back when I hug you isn’t romantic. I know that reading Gizmodo can wait until you’ve gone home… But I’m a geek! You knew that the moment you took me on! As I’m someone who frequently refers to themselves as a ‘WebMaster‘, how can you not understand that the computer is my domain!? That the internet is my Empire!?
If I turned up at your house and started to move one of the windows, you’d be pretty annoyed, wouldn’t you? And I know full well that I don’t turn up at your house and repaper your walls with a pixellated picture of Hello Kitty that I found on Google Image Search. So why do you do it to my computer!? WHY!? For all us alpha-geeks out there, I send this message to women who make out lives a burden; stop messing up my computer! Gah! It’s time us nerds took back our space from the clutches of the females and ditch the benefits of a relationship for that of a tidy workspace. Together, we can unite!

Well it’s no news that the iPhone 4.0 is just around the corner. Here’s my wishlist:

Third Party Data Sync Over USB
At the moment, apps are forced to use wifi as a means of transfering data between desktop and mobile apps. This is well and good but it’s cumbersome. Not only is it time consuming but it’s also easy to forget to sync- especially for those of us who keep WiFi turned off to preserve the battery. While many apps are resorting to the cloud as a work around, it’s quite an expense on behalf of the developer and sometimes you don’t want your data available online. Instead, wouldn’t it be nice if you could plug your iPhone in and just have your 1Password database sync during the iTunes sync?
My proposed solution is for iTunes to request permission for apps to sync to the desktop. It would either ask for an application to sync with or a folder (for example, a drawing application like Layers could sync with a folder named “Mobile Drawings”). It would work like Push Notifications and be disabled by default, with apps asking permission first, except on the desktop side rather than on the device.

Remaining Balance
At the moment, it’s easy to go over your pre-paid minutes, SMS and MMS as the iPhone doesn’t indicate how much you’re spending (not in the UK, anyway). In this respect, it’s true to say that the iPhone can do everything except make phone calls. I’m not sure if this is always the case on a contract phone -this is my first contract phone- but my old Pay As You Go phone used to tell me how much balance I had left after a call. At the moment I’m using the great “Mobile Allowance” app to tell me how much I have left, but I still have to check it manually and unfortunately the changes aren’t instant due to the way it accesses the data.

Notification History
After Apple introduced Push Notifications as a method of using apps while they’re not open, we now need an area to read received notifications after they’re pushed out of the way by the next one. While the number of notifications received shows up as a badge on the app’s icon, this doesn’t actually tell you what the notification was and it’s up to the app to further notify you. In some cases it doesn’t if you don’t activate the notification immediately. Personally, I am a fan of “Prowl” and like the way it keeps track of all the notifications it receives (it’s not really much of an app, otherwise!) but I believe that Apple could easily add a “History” section to the Push Notification preferences.

Background apps
It’s been said since day one, but with the hardware capability of devices like the iPhone 3Gs it’s looking much more promising. I know, as a mere 3G owner, that I wouldn’t mind sacrificing this big addition to the platform in order for my device to run peachy – I don’t mind the current method that much – but it would shut up all the people who are asking for it and that would be more than brilliant. The only practical implement for background apps are things like online radios and tools like Pastebot, which would need to function in the background in order to make them more worthwhile. Other than those, there’s not much need for them as the screen is too small for you to do any multitasking. Maybe looking up walkthroughs for Rolando halfway through the game or something?

Finder / Global Data
One big problem I have with the iPhone at the moment is that there is no central data storage system. I can’t create documents on my phone and then use them in other apps; I have to do complex things with the cloud. While this sandboxing is all well and good, it does make things a little bit cumbersome – why do I have to register to random websites to do things I can do through a service I’m already signed up for? Instead of having to start using Google Docs, why can’t I just have Dropbox host my files? Unfortunately, with the way the app ecosystem works, this is a big problem. As of this moment, I currently don’t have a proper word processor on my iPhone (despite being available in the app store). I have note taking apps, of course, but sometimes I just want to make a few changes to my coursework when I have no access to a computer and am unable to do so. These note taking apps don’t save files – they just save text, let alone open things like “.doc” files. That’s not really of much use. So I’d like to see this happen (plus I’d like the Finder icon to appear on the iPhone – that would be superb). I agree with Daring Fireball’s John Gruber about the lack of a user-available filesystem being used on the iPhone being a good thing for usability, but I do think the sand-boxing of data between apps is no the best thing (even if Apple has to limit it to certain file types being available!).

Spotlight for 3rd parties
While I don’t use Spotlight on my Mac much (I use Quicksilver, which is like Spotlight on steroids), I could end up using it on my iPhone. The only problem is that it only throws up things I can find easily by going to the respective app, which is probably quicker and easier than going to spotlight and typing. Instead, Apple could make Spotlight more useful and allow third party developers to use the function. For example, I would love to be able to find Evernote notes in a search like that, or , I don’t know, To-Dos in “Things”. In fact, looking through my apps I can name almost name one thing I’d like Spotlight to reveal for each of them (even in some of Apple’s own apps, like Maps, where it’s bookmarks could be displayed). The Wordpress app could show drafts, FTP To Go could show me my servers, Amazon UK could show me my Wishlist, Ebay my bids, and so on. While people may think it would never happen in a lot of those apps because it doesn’t happen on the Mac, well, iPhone developers would do it because they can claim their app integrates with the features of iPhone OS 4.0. The App Store is a much more competitive playing field than Mac desktop development – plus there’s no major competitor (Windows) on the iPhone platform, meaning companies can spend time doing stuff like this on the iPhone.

Bluetooth File Exchange with normal devices (not just iDevices)

Sometimes I take an amazing picture and want to to share it with friends. Sometimes it’s the other way around. I know for a fact that most of my friends are useless and that most the pictures they take on the cell phone will never make it’s way off the device, but sometimes I want the pictures for the memories. One example, recently, is that I went to see Muse with my good friend -whom most of you know- Jimmi. Unfortunately, his computer doesn’t have much disk space (so little he couldn’t even find room for my new album) and he was unable to put the pictures from the concert on his computer in order to transfer them to me. If my phone had Bluetooth file exchange capabilities with his phone, I could have just transferred them over from his and all would have been good. As it did not, I am still yet to see the pictures. Now, I know, I could take pictures with my own phone’s camera (and I did!) but it lacks a lot of things that made it suitable for what it was doing (no flash, no manual focus, etc.). Jimmi’s phone, despite being only a “dumbphone”, did have these features and thus we opted to use his phone to take pictures of ourselves there. Now I’m just left broken hearted.

Quick Alarms

I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I need to remind myself of something happening shortly. At work, I’m often told I’ll have to do this or that in ten or fifteen minutes and it’s quite easy to forget. Unfortunately, at the moment, the only way you can set alarms is by setting them up through the alarm app, where you have to scroll through each number to set a time. In fact, it takes up so much time that it’s just not worth doing for anything other than for alarms to wake you up. Even then the alarm is permanently added to your list, which isn’t very useful in the long run. I’d like to see a way to quickly add an alarm for 5 minutes, 10 minutes or 15 minutes. It would just be useful. (Picture: Fantastic Mac application “Tiny Alarm”)

Assign colour to contacts
At the moment SMS is confusing and it’s easy to sent the wrong message to the wrong person because each conversation looks the same. Colour coding would help to stop that and would make the app much more usable. From the address book, Apple could add a field that asks for a colour to represent the person, which would then become the colour of their chat bubble in Messages (and iChat on the Mac, if they desire to add such further integration). In addition, third parties would be able to access this data in order to do the same thing automatically for other apps, such as an IM app like Beejive.

So that’s my iPhone OS 4.0 wish list. While it doesn’t cover every possible thing that I could want in the next iPhone (if I let my imagination run away from me, I would ask for things like tablet support, etc.) it’s a compilation of a couple of things I believe could make the iPhone better. What would you like to see?

Ok, this picture was posted on Gizmodo and it really left a psychological impact on me. If you look at the top part -the forehead area- you’ll notice that it looks just like normal Simon Cowell… but then you look a bit lower and have to question what strange creature this is. I don’t have a massive hatred for the guy (I sure don’t like him, but I don’t particularly dislike him) but this picture is just disturbing. It makes me want to obtain a shotgun, just incase it becomes real and decides to attack me. I’m having nightmares tonight.

One can only guess that one of the new lighting technicians didn’t read the notes and turned one of the spotlights up too high, causing the poor bloke to melt. As you can see, his arms are clearly flailing in a way that indicates panic and fear, whilst his eyes scold in a way that says “You stupid fool! Why didn’t you read the notes!?”.

Here are my predictions for my own things for this time next year:

1. I’ll have either made more Clayground episodes than this year, or less.

Well, since I only made half an episode in 2009 (I can hardly call it an episode), I guess this one isn’t too hard to beat. It’s all or nothing this decade.

2. I will still be at the same place I am now (As in, no-one will care).

I’ll be pleasantly surprised if this one doesn’t come true, but unless I do something crazy like the wacky escapades of Chris Crocker, I don’t see myself really getting anywhere.

3. I’ll still be procrastinating on things.

I’m actually writing this in order to procrastinate.

4. I’ll release a trailer for something I haven’t finished and then panic that I’ve released a trailer and end up releasing something really lame instead.

As always, I’ll do this. So much for the “Clayground Chronicles” that were “Coming Soon”.

See you all in 2011 where we see if this comes true.